Fall, Now

I lived for the fall time. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been obsessed with the season and all the spooky fun that came with it. Picking out pumpkins with my family, exploring a corn maze, cuddling up to watch a different halloween movie every night. I used to keep a Halloween countdown journal that I wrote in every night to plan the whole night through. I remember choosing my costumes years in advance; I vividly recall the moment I realized I didn’t have many Halloweens left as a kid. The next costumes I had planned for trick-or-treating were gone into the abyss of childhood happiness that was slipping through my grasp. I used to have all my time to completely devote myself to the season - and I miss that. 

Now I have to work around my schedule to fit those festivities in. School work, jobs, and being anxious about both of those things tend to take up my time during fall now. It’s really hard to not get discouraged by this. I want to do what makes me happy, but seemingly real-life things have replaced my hopes with realistic responsibilities. And listen, I get it. It’s time to be an adult and focus on other things, but sometimes it feels like I’m losing a part of myself with this. Planning for holidays and immersing myself in the season used to make me the happiest, and now I struggle to make room for this in my life. 

Nevertheless, I won't stop trying. This year, I've tried my best to be festive myself and spread that attitude to people around me. I’ve already got most of my costumes, decorated my room with autumnal warmth, and have watched all the Halloweentown movies with my roommates. Being an adult doesn’t have to mean all the fun is gone - now I have more opportunities to go out on Halloween, make spooky-fun-festive drinks, and watch scary movies without my mom insisting I’ll get nightmares (I did). I’ve realized that if I want to make celebrating fall a priority, I can. As long as I am on top of my sh*t, there's no reason to push things off that make me happy just because I’m stressed about other parts of my life. And this isn’t easy - but if it brings me joy, I should do it.