Ranking Every Song on The Tortured Poet’s Department: The Anthology

It's finally time. I've been putting this off for a while now, but I think I'm finally ready. Ladies and gentlemen, here is my official ranking of Taylor Swift's 11th studio album, The Tortured Poet's Department. 

For this ranking, I will be including songs from the second part of the album, The Anthology, in order to give a full picture of the project. I will say - this album took me some time to get into. Usually with Taylor there's a few songs (3-5) that really stick out to me due to the catchiness, catchy chorus, etc. But with this one, I only really latched on to maybe 2 of the songs. I was scared at first the project wouldn’t grow on me, but I can confidently say I was wrong. 

While there are still some tracks I am not a fan of (at all...) there remain tracks that I would rank highly in her whole discography. For the sake of suspense, let's start from the button, shall we? 

31. Robin - In dead last we have Robin. I don’t really have much to say about this one because I don’t listen to it. I find the lyrics confusing and I don’t like it sonically either. Next!! 

30. I Look In People’s Windows - This song is criminally short and doesn’t give much to work with. The chorus is kind of catchy, but that’s about it. I understand the message and why this made the album but... eh. 

29. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - This song has no replay value. It’s not exciting in any way and the lyrics are very surface level to me. Skip!

28. Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus - Now maybe I just haven’t spent enough time with this one, because people seem to really love this track. I just don’t come back to it or reach to play it. Ever. I’ll give it another shot, but again, this just has no replay value to me. 

27. The Albatross - I like the message, I don’t hate it sonically, I just think this is the same song in different fonts as like 4 other songs on this album. 

26. Cassandra - I like this song, but it’s veeerrryyy slow. I have to be in the right mood to listen to it (chill, man-hating mood) but I think it’s a solid track, there's just other songs I reach for more often. 

25. ThanK You AIMee - Girl. You did NOT change any real defining clues, don't lie. Putting that aside - I actually really like the way this song sounds. It has a very sweet melody and the lyrics make me giggle. Say what you want, but this song actually makes me a little emotional. I’m also obsessed with her calling her mother out. 

24. The Manuscript - Another snail’s pace song, but this time I understand it. The lyrics take me back to Taylor's Red era - and not in a good way! I can feel she means what she is saying here, and I have a sneaking suspicion we know what this song is about All Too Well. 

23. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys - Simply put, I don’t really like the way this song sounds - the chorus is so boring to me. It's only up this high because the line “Once I fix me, he’s gonna miss me.” That hit me like a TRUCK. 

22. Fresh Out The Slammer - I honestly just can’t stand the line “Now pretty baby, I’m running back home to you.” Something about it makes me cringe, and it’s repeated many many times. However - I enjoy this track sonically and the outro is one of my favorites on the album. 

21. So High School - At first listen, I HATED this song. Now that I’ve leaned into the album more as a whole, I can appreciate how happy she sounds singing this. I still cringe at some points - you know the line - but I do think this is a great summer tune and the vibes with this track are good. 

20. I Hate It Here - This was actually one of my favorites on my initial listen. I love The Secret Garden reference and I can relate to this song maybe more than any other one on the album. However, there's songs that are more interesting sonically on this project. Also - why do people have such a hard time with the 1800s line?? She literally says right after how everybody thought she was weird for saying that... and that’s kind of the whole message of the song? LISTEN TO THE WHOLE THING BEFORE YOU TWEET!

19. Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? - YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME ABOUT SAD!!!!!! I was so gagged when I heard that the first time I thought I was imagining things. Anyways, the chorus and bridge of this song really do it for me sonically. The power she is emoting throughout this track is moving and adamant. However - I like the Era’s Tour note change so much on the bridge that it pisses me off it’s not in the real song. 

18. Fortnight (ft. Post Malone) - This song grew on me and is continuing to. Being the lead single and first track on the album - I was very underwhelmed among first listen. However - the second half of this song is just so satisfying to listen to that I had to rank it this high. Taylor’s backing vocals on the outro of this track are undeniable and makes for maybe my favorite outro on this album. 

17. Down Bad - This song has some of my favorite production. At first listen, it was a bit boring and surface level. But among reading the lyrics, I can see how wrong I was. “For a moment I knew cosmic love/was heavenstruck” is such a simple yet effective pre-chorus. The post-chorus and outro where she repeats “like I lost my twin” and “fuck it if I can’t have him” is my favorite part of the song and really encapsulates her frustration. 

16. imgonnagetyouback - So i’m still not really sure why she chose to spell the title like this but whatever girl, I’m sure you had a reason that is going over my head! This song is super catchy, sexy, and the bridge makes me ascend. When she screams “Even if it’s handcuffed, I’m leaving here with you” I felt that. Definitely a song with replay value and qualities that I think it even could have been a single - but some of you aren’t ready for that conversation! 

Now we make it to the top half of this ranking!

15. Clara Bow - This song had me in tears at first listen and I still feel the same way hearing it now. The Stevie Nicks callout, the yearning and sweetness in her voice, the sincerity of what she is saying... this is a message that a lot of her biggest haters need to hear. Taylor Swift has not been the first, and she is certainly not the last. 

14. The Alchemy - This is another grower - I found this track very cringe when I first heard it, specifically the bridge. Like we get it, your man won the Super Bowl. Looking past that, the chorus of this track I think is one of the strongest on this project. The swell of the instrumental really makes this song memorable and keeps me coming back to listen. 

13. Florida!!! (ft. Florence & The Machine) - Dare I say Ms. Welch ate Taylor up on this track. Truly one of my favorite collaborations she’s ever done, simply because she took a step back and allowed Florence to shine. The dark tone, the booming instrumental, and the vocals from both artists on this track have stood out to me from the very first listen of this album. Honestly I was a lil intoxicated when this album came out and couldn't differentiate most of the songs the next day, but this one I remembered. 

12. So Long, London - Joe, Joe, Joe. You really did it this time. The intro of this track is my favorite on the album. It perfectly encapsulates the vibe of this song and the city of London as well (I assume. I’ve never been). This song is as beautifully somber as it is heartbreaking and incredibly upsetting. I think this was a perfect track 5 selection just given how personal the lyricism is. Something about the instrumental on this track really transports me to a foggy London day. 

11. The Tortured Poet’s Department - Now this one has been at the top of my list since it came out. I absolutely love the production of this song and most of the lyrics. But Taylor. CHARLIE PUTH??????? Absolutely not. He needs to stay right where he is. 

10. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - This takes the cake for the best bridge - obviously. The marching-band instrumental is the cherry on top. I also love how this song is (presumably) about her month-long situationship, not the guy she dated for 6 years. I mean Joe seriously wasn't even invited to his own funeral, and THAT is hilarious. 

9. Peter - As someone who is absolutely terrified in every way to grow up, this track hit me where it hurts. I would love to think this song is a callback to "Cardigan" and “Peter losing Wendy.” I am a total sucker for a piano ballad, and this is a near perfect one at that. The bridge of this song is so well written and constructed. While the chorus is repetitive, I don’t think that takes away from the track as a whole. 

8. The Prophecy - PLEASE! SHE’S ON HER KNEES! I’m not really sure why I ignored this track at first, as the chorus is super catchy and meaningful. The guitar in this song is absolutely stunning and automatically differentiates it from any other track. While the takeaway from this song is really heartbreaking, I would like to think she wrote this before finding her current relationship. 

7. Loml - If So Long, London wasn’t track 5, this should’ve been. Holy crap this song is hauntingly beautiful and extremely gut-wrenching. Clearly about her 6-year relationship not making it quite to the altar, Taylor switches the meaning of the title from “love of my life” to “loss of my life” at the end. HELLO??? I’M CRYING??? Her live version on tour was even more painful, and I commend her for this insanely captivating songwriting and melody. 

6. I Can Do It With A Broken Heart - Yes she can!! And she did! This song is an absolute triumph in every sense of the word. It gives fans a whole new perspective into how strong and brave this woman really is. Imagine getting up in front of hundreds of thousands of people and singing songs about your boyfriend who you thought you were going to marry without anyone knowing that you're not even together anymore???? Girl. You deserve a Nobel. Not to mention - this song is insanely catchy and the most fun on the album. This totally deserved it's single status. 

5. How Did It End - Oh. My. God. These lyrics, the vocals, THE LIVE PERFORMANCE. Everything about this track is perfect. “The empathetic huger descends” is the most Taylor Swift way possible of saying that people need to be all up in her business, specifically about the end of her relationship. This song not only made me empathize with her even more, but I definitely know this type of person who just wants tea and doesn't care about the actual people involved. Next to #2 on this list, this is the best breakup song on the album."Say it once once again with feeling" is INSANE. 

4. The Bolter - Was this an Evermore reject? Don’t care! Telling the tale of a girl who “runs like it’s a race” when things get serious, this song is so much fun. I love the playfulness of the chorus and the structure of this track as a whole. Taylor spends the track justifying this character’s decisions and saying it’s okay if running away feels like freedom, which draws interesting parallels to some of her other songs - “It’s Time to Go” comes to mind immediately. This song could have easily been on Folklore as well - it’s a standalone story about a girl just trying to be free of her past. This song is my dark horse of this album - I never really see people talking about it, but I for one think it is perfect. 

3. But Daddy I Love Him - This track feels like I’m running through a sunny field in a white milkmaid dress in June. I absolutely love the instrumentals and the build up throughout this song. I can totally see the “wine moms” in my town pulling this same act. Her lyricism in this song is insane, saying she doesn’t want people to pray for her by singing “God save the most judgmental creeps who say they want what's best for me,

   sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see.” I’m sorry but who else could write that??? This is     another perfect song, as are all of the top 5 on this list to me. 

2. The Black Dog - From heartbreaking and beautiful and building into power and resentment, this song is a rollercoaster ride in the very best way. “I just don’t understand how you don’t miss me” is possibly one of her most agonizing lines she has ever written. Taylor’s quill was scolding hot when she was writing this one, especially towards the second half of the track where the production picks up and she gets angry instead of sad. This is a perfect depiction of what a breakup feels like (again, I assume. I have never been through a breakup). Sad and vulnerable and confusing, yet you still want to scream and cry and wish bad things upon the other party. Taylor’s raw emotions on this track make it one of the very best on TTPD, and in her discography in general. 

1. Guilty as Sin? - So what IF he’s written mine on my upper thigh, HUH? God, this song is not only catchy and sonically so very pleasing, the lyricism is underrated on this one. Her delicately asking “am I allowed to cry?” both in the first and last verse stuck with me upon my first listen. Also - her acknowledging whatever she does “They’re gonna crucify me anyway” is an insanely accurate depiction of how the media treats her. I love the melody and production of this song, I love the dynamics and honesty of the lyrics, and I love to scream this song at the top of my lungs in the car. When the production effortlessly compliments her lyricism it's absolute magic, and that's how this track feels. 

Thanks for checking my ranking out! 

The ranking system I used to organize this can be found here: https://jobazzle.tumblr.com/ttpd 

Give it a whirl and see how yours turns out! I had so much fun doing this and writing about it, I hope you enjoyed it! Drop your top (or bottom) songs in the comments if you feel so inclined.