Wednesday, January 15th
2:14 PM
Greetings! It’s not a secret I’ve been struggling the last few months. This can be applied to a lot of factors of my life, this blog included. I’ve set a lot of goals for myself this year and I intend to keep my creative juices flowing more. I really want to look back on this blog and have it be something I’m proud I created. I’ll never sit with this version of myself ever again, and while that’s overwhelming, I want to celebrate that and record as much as I can.
That being said, I’m excited and feeling optimistic about the new look of my website/socials! I wanted to commit to a theme and vibe I knew I could expand upon and would be timeless, and I’m going to try my best to stick with this style. Creating things and writing helps keep me grounded and passionate while I’m in this strange in-between stage of my life, and I will capitalize on this in 2025.
Moving on after college is hard. I’ve had to let things and people go, re-evaluate where I want to go and what I see myself doing in the future, and save money if I ever want to get out of my house (which I am not good at). I’ve definitely lost myself at a few moments out of fear and anxiety about the future. How are some people my age doing so well? In college, I loved the person I was. I had a great group of people I got to see all the time, I was participating in hobbies I was passionate about, and school kept me motivated while working towards my degree. I’m extremely proud of the work I did in college and the connections I made, but now nobody tells you what to do from here on out.
Truthfully, I’m overwhelmed with all the options I have. This is a time where I could pick to move anywhere, be anyone, and pursue whatever opportunities I choose. Unlike college where I was on a set track, I’m flailing in the real world. Even though I have a solid basis of work experience, it’s been really hard to find a job that I really WANT to do. Is this a toxic trait of mine? Very well might be - I think the perfect job is just going to pop out of thin air and land in my lap because I deserve it. I’ve applied for countless jobs since I graduated (and gotten a few), but I haven’t found the right fit yet. While this kinda makes me feel like a failure, I keep telling myself that things could be aloooot worse.
I am going to create a life for myself that is beautiful and exactly what I envision, even if it takes some time! I am going to keep working and discovering things about myself, and eventually I will attract what is meant for me. Thank you for following along and reading what I say, it means more to me than you know.
-MM
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