Senior Year is scary.

I am not great with change. As an extreme empath and someone who is consumed by nostalgia, moving on and turning to a new chapter can be tricky for me. That’s the case as I am about to start my final year of college. As I go back and reflect on why this transition is so daunting to me, I recall my final year of High School. 

During my senior year in 2020, I was on top of my sh*t. I had applied to every college early, had my essay done weeks before my peers, and was eager to get out of my hometown and see new things. I applied to schools all around the country in hopes of immersing myself in a totally new environment where I wasn’t surrounded by people who were the same as me. This was a great plan! I had it all figured out and was just about to leave for my final Model UN trip of my high school career. Then, the calendar turned to March. 

The world shut down. There was no more school, no more goodbyes to be had, no more getting to eat lunch with my childhood friends everyday - nothing. I didn’t get to tour those schools across the country that I dreamed of going to. I didn’t get the graduation I’d been looking forward to forever. There was no Senior Week, no College Decision Day where I could congratulate all my classmates, no final sports games. It was all taken away in what seemed like an instant. 

Being in lockdown while I was supposed to be enjoying my last months with my friends, teachers, and classmates wasn’t easy for me. There were moments when I felt that I was digging myself into a hole I would never be able to climb out of. Thankfully, I had a support system at home of people who loved me and understood what I was going through - or at least tried the best they could. 

I think that whole situation left me with more scars than I realized at first. I experienced grief in a way I had ever before when COVID took these once in a lifetime experiences from me. I think this is also why I’m so scared of it happening again. 

When I came into college in August 2020, I promised myself I’d take advantage of every opportunity presented to me. By the time May 2024 came around, I wanted to be a new person. With this mindset, I can proudly say that college has been the best time of my life so far. I’ve made friends I’ll have for the rest of my life, I’ve uncovered passions I didn’t know I had, and I’ve made a lot of progress personally when it comes to handling my anxiety. If COVID didn’t happen, who knows if I would have chosen to go to the same school - I ended up right where I was supposed to. 

So, as I look to the path laid in front of me with senior year being my next challenge, I can’t let the fear of the past hinder me. I’ve spent enough time anxious about the future. Going into this year, I want to continue healthy habits, give my love and attention to people who reciprocate, and enjoy my last time as a student. Even though my last senior year was just a pinch traumatizing, worse things could’ve happened to me during COVID. I’m thankful that I’m healthy and doing my best to be happy.